Why should sharing something you love, like art be difficult?
I wasn’t given many opportunities to explore creativity when I was growing up. I remember having instructional books about crafts, but no art supplies. Definitely no one spent time with me showing me how to improvise. I didn’t hear anything about exploring my imagination. I feel that my creativity was stifled by adults who couldn’t be bothered to spend time with me. That’s a whole other can worms - of which I have no shame, but this is not the space I choose to explore with you here, now.
So, when I started to make art - I was scared. I cried to Joel about wanting to paint/make, but I was so scared. Clearly - I conquered the shit out that one ages ago. But I continued to struggle to make anything with other humans. Even a doodle at a table at a coffee shop, was too close to others. Seriously. I was afraid of not measuring up. I was afraid of being judged. Afraid that my childhood without art was justified - Because I couldn’t make anything beautiful. And even trying in the presence of others would out me as an imposter. As I don’t know what actually. As a bad creative maybe…?
Glob that’s so annoying.
In August I made signage for Altered Forest, A psytrance festival held in the woods. I joined in at deco-making parties, a place where everyone gathers to make short work of huge projects.
Guess what happened - They hated my art, and told me that I suck.
THAT’S NOT TRUE OBVIOUSLY.
I felt included, comfortable, I felt my fear melt down my legs, and out my feet.
My creativity felt like it was a tongue with pop rockets dancing on it. It still feels that way. I feel invigorated at the very thought of collaboration with others, and have been actively reaching out to others in my art practice.
I still have inner cynics. Voices that cry out to my inner child, my artist. They tell lies about who I am, and what I make. Those voices beg me to listen to their lies. To remain hidden in the darkness of my artless past.
But I won’t. I know now that collaboration among artists is what drives a beautiful, creative community. I love making and improvising. I love art and the artists who make with their hearts. I want to collaborate with like minded humans in our community.
Because I’m not afraid anymore. Because art begets art.
Don’t be afraid to be scared.