At 18, with my heart racing, I told Brenda that I was bisexual. In her actual shining moment as a parent to me, she said “Okay. Are you sure you aren’t gay?”
I didn’t know how important that question would become this year.
I thought nothing would change coming out as bisexual. I am after all in a semi-monogamous relationship with a man, who I think is sexyAF, & love fiercely. But the strength that comes with embracing who you really are, loudly, and proudly is frickin’ legit.
It allowed me to find my voice in our bedroom. I have let go of so many bad memories surrounding sex, and I’ve welcomed all the new, and so many beautiful feelings about sex. I share my deepest needs with my lover. And my lover understands that sex is many things, and we can have the type of sex that’s right for us.
Joel - I owe this conquering to you. You embrace me as I am. Because you gave me the space to be bisexual, you allowed me to open up about experiences with both men and women. In the safety of this space, I could really dissect my past. When I started to talk about not being attracted to men, while still having momentous sex with you - that must have been such a weird, scary place for you. But you just listened. Without answering for me. Without guessing where I was going. When I said that I identified as queer except for you, that could have been really scary for you. You didn’t show it.
I came out on stage at Lauren & Amanda Do It on Nov 23 as a queer lady, who is into Joel. And it felt really good. I was scared to come out as queer. Because so many people see it all as a one thing or the other - but that isn’t real.
I just want to live my best life. With a couple gayish wives, & a straight husband.
That is not too much to ask.
Don’t be afraid to be scared.