Technically I came out when I was in my late teens - very quietly. A whisper. I was too scared & unconnected to find a supportive community to explore.
I was groomed to see my queerish thoughts & feelings as a phase. I was surrounded by humans who only saw me as a fetish for heterosexual fantasies. They ignored the remote possibility of an internal struggle.
When I was with women - I was happy. I felt good about what we were doing, and the pace at which life moved. I wasn’t very good at happy in my youth. I self sabotaged, then I used my privilege to hide. I hid my feelings towards women by dating exclusively obnoxious, abusive, demeaning men. If I told them about being attracted to women, they saw it as a threesome. Which is fucking homophobic, you gross pieces of trash.
*Even an older male relative told me it turned him on to hear I liked women. *see estrangement post yesterday*.
Joel came to this relationship knowing I was attracted to women. He didn’t once fetishize my sexuality. He didn’t once suggest ‘he’d be okay w/ me cheating w/ a woman’ because he recognizes that homosexual relationships are real.
I could finally start to look at my feelings. Remind myself that they matter. Talk to other humans who identified as queer, as bi.
Then one day I was like - how come I can’t just talk about being bi? And I remembered that the only person left holding me back was me.
You can read that Hi, I’m Bi post back in May - If you’re into it.
Coming out should be easy. Normal.
Don’t be afraid to be scared.