Scary Thing May : Pursue Art Full Time

Last october my fast friend Joc (SND Jawss) gifted me with a Planner. Most of the time, I think planners look like the book form of a cubicle. They’re boring, so I don’t stay consistent. And, blah blah - consistency is everything...
Anyway - Joc gifted me with a Passion Planner. I’m not a brand representative, but I am going to gush over this planner - just for a second. I promise we’ll get passed this. These planners have different sizes, three start dates, and an option for which day starts your week. There are monthly reflections, and prompts to help keep you(me) on task. They also donate planners to people who can’t afford them, which is the type of thing I like in a business. 

There’s an exercise at the beginning of the book designed to help you create a roadmap to achieve your dreams. And I guess that’s exactly what I needed, because I decided that I would leave the diner by the end of October, 2019. 

That gave me just one year. I mean, a year goes by before you even have a chance to remember how to write the date. Honestly, I kind of thought that I was being overly hopeful, but every time I brought up my timeline to friends I was met with “oh, you’re setting it up so you can’t possibly fail..” (that’s an actual quote that made my heart explode.). I started to feel really good about the future. 

Until then, I had to divide my time. I worked at a diner four days a week, and that work was really hard. I’d often leave the diner feeling totally drained. Physical pain in my hips, back, and feet often had me using a cane for support for the rest of the day (or week sometimes) - that is IF I could muster the energy to leave the house, or sometimes even bed. 

Plus, spending a day being positive, and helpful to a couple hundred people, made me feel like a dancing monkey, and left me too mentally exhausted to socialize with anyone in my own life. I mean I’m a social person, but there are days when the only time anyone speaks to you, for hours at a time, is when they want you to perform a task. Every walk through the room, brings multiple requests, and even a few demands depending on the day. Your brain is constantly in ‘patrol’ mode. Even for a social butterfly like me, it’s a tough one. You just feel like ‘the help’ & not like a human. 

I could go on...
I just wanted to paint a small segment of the painting I was living in. I wanted to be creating, and building my art career, but all of my best self was eaten up by the diner. 

Anyway, not any more!
My last day at the diner has come and gone.

Six months early - because what is time anyway? 

So, I’m officially pursuing art full time. I’m trying to figure out what that means, and I think that it might be something different for everyone. I’m learning how to manage my time, and trying to remember to brush my teeth - even when I don’t leave the house. I’m making jokes because this is the most important thing I’ve ever done for myself, and that’s how I cope with the magnitude of a thing. 

This is really scary. I have to think about all the possible streams that income can flow from, and then I must choose which to act upon. I have to remember to value my time appropriately, which isn’t a thing that creatives are overly good at. Although, that could be from so many humans complaining about the cost of original, handmade art. 

If I’m being honest, and that’s the whole point of this thing, I have no idea what I’m doing. I don’t know how to find & apply for grants. I am not great at putting my ideas into words for businessy type things. I’ve already spent almost four hours editing a five minute vlog video - that still isn’t ready. I’m already posting this blog a couple days late - because of mistakes with time management, and dyslexia. I have no idea if I’m going to be able to pay all my bills every month, or just most of them. 

But I’m happy.  And I’m ready.

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