SANG ON STAGE - Original Post Dec.13ish.2018

Don’t forget that I like to run at fears the way toddlers run to not fall over. 

Shortly after taking singing lessons, A friend asked if I would perform during their show at fringe... 

I was actually shocked that someone would ask me to perform anything, anywhere.  So, I was super surprised when my inner child took over, & made sure I was going to sing in front of an audience. 

I wasn’t feeling confident in playing ukulele & singing at the same (next year is another year, my friends), so Joel & I worked on a duet. A cover, of a Willie Nelson cover, about gay cowboys. We practiced tons, & I went back & forth a lot about whether or not I could pull it off. 

We went from performing during one show at fringe, to two. 

Which is good, because my heart broke during the first performance when I was so amazed at the act of singing on stage - I forgot almost the entire song. I felt busted a little. A lot actually. I really disappointed myself.

The next night was truly amazing. Every note, hit - I think. Every small joke, landed. 
I was strong. I was free. I was not afraid. 

This one is different friends... 

I’m back to almost whispers. 

Less silence than before, but definitely less singing. 

I am still so scared to sing.. My inner child is screaming to be heard, & I want that for the red haired woman I am becoming every day. 

I am nowhere near conquering this fear fully, but I really want to be a part of the sounds that make up this world. So, I’m sharing this fear to remind myself that I’ve already done it. I can do again. I’m sharing my shame in backtracking - because I know shame is a dumb dummy that I don’t want to feel. 

I’m going to be scared to sing. But I’m not afraid to be scared. 

I’m not afraid to say that I am scared. 

Don’t be afraid to be scared.

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