Took singing lessons - Orginal Post Dec.12.2018

***I will not give advice on where to take lessons. Don't ask.***

In the third grade, my dream was to be write music - Be a singer songwriter. How did I even know that was a thing? I had a dusty rose duotang, with a velcro flap along the right side, to keep it closed. Full of third grade emotions and imagery. 

Actually, I had already seen some things - so I’m sure there were interesting feelings in there. 

I lacked encouragement. I was often silenced. Slowly, I stopped singing altogether. I stopped listening to music. I slipped away from creativity and risk, and into the safety of being silent. The safety of hiding. I didn’t realize any of this to be honest. Sometimes when a dream slips away, it happens so slowly, you forget that it ever existed. I forgot about the little red haired girl who would lay far away from the other kids to write and sing about what she saw around her. 

That little red haired girl lives on inside me. She is raising her voice. 

This red haired woman is listening, and I am in love with my inner child. I’m going to do everything I can to allow this adult to live the life the child couldn’t. 

Epiphanies make me cry. I cried about how I wish I could just sing. In any way. I just want to be free to express myself like the glob damn magical fairy duchess I am.Through sudden outbursts of song. 

Impossible. Actually impossible. I’d try to sing & just whisper. I struggled to hear my own voice. Tears would roll down my face the entire time. Sound like a super fun time? Nah. It wasn’t. I was emotionally devastated. I was ashamed. 

I signed up for singing lessons. Private obviously. I told the instructor that I was terrified to make any sounds at all, & not to expect me to sing for a couple lessons. Also, definitely expect tears. Because I feel literally every thing with my face. Including fear, & I’m friggin’ so terrified. I had no idea if I could even hit a single note. The instructor took me on, weirdly. 

In the first lesson - only a 45 minute session - I sang some notes. 

I did it! I sang in front of another human. 

I even saw my vocal range expand every week over the course of a few months. I started to sing at home. On purpose. When I knew others were home. I was still afraid - but I could make noises! 

Don’t be afraid to be scared

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